Chaos Queen, No More

Happy Poem in Your Pocket Day!

2010-04-28T23:26:00.002-04:00

April is National Poetry Month, and today, the 29th, is Poem in Your Pocket Day, which has been celebrated in NYC since 2002. My boss clued me in to this wondrous day via our info screens in the office, where he often posts interesting tidbits for our amusement, and I decided that I would be celebrating PiYP Day by sharing a few of my favorite poems from my all-time favorite poet, Dorothy Parker. Enjoy!!

Resume

Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.

Post-Graduate

Hope it was that tutored me,
And Love that taught me more,
And now I learn at Sorrow's knee
The self-same lore.

Daylight Saving

My answers are inadequate
To those demanding day and date
And ever set a tiny shock
Through strangers asking what's o'clock;
Whose days are spent in whittling rhyme-
What's Time to her, or she to Time?

...And finally, my favorite:

Love Song

My own dear love, he is strong and bold

And he cares not what comes after.

His words ring sweet as a chime of gold,

And his eyes are lit with laughter.

He is jubilant as a flag unfurled—

Oh, a girl, she’d not forget him.

My own dear love, he is all my world,—

And I wish I’d never met him.

My love, he’s mad, and my love, he’s fleet,

And a wild young wood-thing bore him!

The ways are fair to his roaming feet,

And the skies are sunlit for him.

As sharply sweet to my heart he seems

As the fragrance of acacia.

My own dear love, he is all my dreams,—

And I wish he were in Asia.

My love runs by like a day in June,

And he makes no friends of sorrows.

He’ll tread his galloping rigadoon

In the pathway of the morrows.

He’ll live his days where the sunbeams start,

Nor could storm or wind uproot him.

My own dear love, he is all my heart,—

And I wish somebody’d shoot him.

So...it's been a while...

2010-04-27T21:39:00.002-04:00

Sorry about that. I really need to discipline myself to actually write here at least once a week.

What's new with me? Well, let's see...

I am in the process of applying to Georgia Perimeter College for the Fall '10 semester. I am being dragged down in blood right now, as weird as that sounds. I have to figure out when my immunizations actually took place. I am 36 years old, people. WAY past pediatrician age here.

Anyway, that's occupying some time in my head right now, just trying to figure out when and where to go get the blood work done that I'm going to need. I've done all the financial stuff, though, and just waiting on them to acknowledge the high school transcripts I sent nearly a month ago so they can go ahead and accept me, already.

Beyond that, not much else is going on. I work, I come home, I sleep, and I go back to work. I need a life in the worst way.

#TheLast100Days: Day 98

2009-09-24T21:24:00.003-04:00

I think it is simply amazing how easy it is to relate to and draw from God's Word, no matter where you pick it up. No matter where I turn, there is something there that I can read and really see myself in. I think that, more than almost anything else, is convincing me daily of God's abundant love for me.

Today's passage really ties in closely with yesterday's, in my opinion. If you read Day 99, then you know I kind of spilled my guts with some pretty ugly truths about my life before God. It really just reinforces my thankfulness that God brought me through all of that, and it really just makes me rejoice that I am able to share what I went through as an example of how much God loves me...enough that he wanted me to become well and healthy so that my experiences might help someone else walking that dark and lonely path.

I will be praying for the future just that He will continue to sustain me and shower me with His mercy and grace, that I will be able to love Him and love His people just as fervently and honestly as He loves me. What more could I possibly need?

God's Track Record With Me

READ

2 Samuel 7:18, 20-23, 28-29

18, 20-21 King David went in, took his place before God, and prayed: "Who am I, my Master God, and what is my family, that you have brought me to this place in life? ...What can I possibly say in the face of all this? You know me, Master God, just as I am. You've done all this not because of who I am but because of who you are - out of your very heart! - but you've let me in on it.

22-23 "This is what makes you so great, Master God! There is none like you, no God but you, nothing to compare with what we've heard with our own ears. And who is like your people, like Israel, a nation unique in the earth, whom God set out to redeem for himself (and became most famous for it), performing great and fearsome acts, throwing out nations and their gods left and right as you saved your people from Egypt? ...

28-29 "And now, Master God, being the God you are, speaking sure words as you do, and having just said this wonderful thing to me, please just one more thing: Bless my family; keep your eye on them always. You've already as much as said that you would, Master God! Oh, may your blessing be on my family permanently!"

THINK

Read the passage again, slowly & deliberately. Listen for lines that resonate with you personally. Consider how God has changed you and how you are grateful for that; think about what God has brought you out of. Consider how God has been heroic in his protection and love for you. Think about what you would ask God for in regard to your future.

PRAY

Using the answers to the above questions, pray through the passage.

LIVE

Try this: taking the line from the passage that resonated most with you, put it to the tune of a song you know (or make one up) and sing that line a few times. Now just sit in the quiet and let it soak in. Sing it again and then sit in the quiet. Sing it one more time, and then sit in the quiet. How is God talking to you through that line?

"What can I possibly say in the face of all this? You know me, Master God, just as I am."

#TheLast100Days: Day 99

2009-09-23T17:35:00.002-04:00

Today's passage is pretty powerful stuff. I read this soon after I got up today and thought to post on it immediately but decided to take the day to think about it and let it soak in some. In doing so, I realize that this passage is the perfect lead-in to giving some of my personal testimony. I won't bore my readers with all of the gory details, but there are some things I'd like to confess to my online family.

The title of this devotion is: Keep Watch Over Your Heart, and the passages we're looking at today are Proverbs 4:20-23 and 5:8-14.

Prov. 4:20-23
Dear friend, listen well to my words;
tune your ears to my voice.
Keep my message in plain view at all times.
Concentrate! Learn it by heart!
Those who discover these words live, really live;
body and soul, they're bursting with health.

Keep vigilant watch over your heart;
that's where life starts.

Prov. 5:8-14
Keep your distance from such a woman;
absolutely stay out of her neighborhood.
You don't want to squander your wonderful life,
to waste your precious life among the hardhearted.
Why should you allow strangers to take advantage of you?
Why be exploited by those who care nothing for you?
You don't want to end your life full of regrets,
nothing but sin and bones,
Saying, "Oh, why didn't I do what they told me?
Why did I reject a disciplined life?
Why didn't I listen to my mentors,
or take my teachers seriously?
My life is ruined!
I haven't one blessed thing to show for my life!"

READ

Read the passage aloud slowly, keeping in mind that "such a woman" refers to the things in your life that seduce you, meaning anything that sucks you in, lures you, misleads you, or even corrupts you.

THINK

1. Consider what has caused you to squander days of your life and leave you full of regret. It might be patterns of relating to people, patterns of spending your time, or patterns of making decisions. Then read verses 8-14 again and wait for thoughts to rise to the surface of your mind.
2. Read verses 20-23 and see what comes to you about the ways you need to avoid such patterns. Do you need to listen? Keep God's message in plain view? Keep a vigilant heart?
3. What would keeping a watch over your heart look like? Keeping watch might be different for you than for others. Avoid grabbing at the first thing that comes to mind. Wait in that.

PRAY

Begin by confessing your regrets about time and energy you've squandered. Don't rush through this. Allow enough time to fully describe these things and let them go. Then ask God to help you listen to him and keep a watchful heart.

LIVE

Underline or highlight the phrase in verses 20-23 that stand out to you. As you move through your day, allow this to remind you to listen and keep an alert heart.

***********************

Reading over these passages makes me very mindful of the ways in which I squandered my time, energy, money, and integrity over the years. For the last 15 years of my life, I've not kept a vigilant heart, nor did I think too much about God or His place in my life.

I used drugs, alcohol, and bad relationships to fill the emptiness I felt in my soul. I lost homes, cars, jobs, and friends. I lost the respect and trust of my family. I lost my daughter. At times I wanted nothing more than to just go to sleep and never wake up again.

I am certain that it is only by God's grace and mercy - and the unceasing prayers of my sister and my mother - that I am able today to stand on my feet and call God my Father and Jesus my friend.

I am not perfect. I do not watch only Christian movies or listen to only Christian music. I cuss like a sailor sometimes when I'm upset. I get angry and I question God and I don't always treat people the way I know I should. However, the difference between me then and me now is that when I hear the whispers in my ear that I'm not good enough, or that I should just get high because it'll make me feel better, or that I'm never going to be anything in this life, all I have to do is pray to my Father to sustain me and I know that He will. And no matter how bad things may seem, I never have to fear being alone again.

And neither do you. God loves you and He wants nothing more than for you to love Him back. The rest of it will fall into place, trust me.

{Twitter/Facebook family...if you stop by to read this, will you take a second and leave a comment to let me know you came by? Just a "hi" will suffice. Thanks!}

#TheLast100Days: Day 100

2009-09-22T12:47:00.004-04:00

Today begins the last 100 days of 2009. Some of us in my Twitter family have decided to spend these last days of the year getting closer to God and digging into the Word. There are no rules or regulations, except that you must read everyday and hopefully you will feel led to post/tweet/Facebook about what you've read and learned. We all want to share in each other's progress, so friend everyone on the list!

Who is already in?

@MsLoveLiLi
@DanniWrites
@DavidLPatrick
@KeilaBee1
@AngelaDowns (ME)
@MackleenStories
@CatieJay
@ImInTransit
@Brownvintage
@NicomaVO
@shesasanga
@seximissj
@virtuousgem
@Rahnae
@TheaPatrick
@raitking
@mizznelly
@waltward3
@everywrdmatters
@purpleice1981
@kaywhydee
@flawedchristian
@bradpost
@tamarajenel
@sosteen1

That said, let's get into today's Word! I decided to use SOLO (The Message//Remix: SOLO) to pull my daily readings from, because I really like the lectio divina concept of Read, Pray, Think, and Live that it teaches. I opened the book to a random page and the title of my first devotion was: Digging In With God. Pretty appropriate, no?

The passage for this devotion is Hosea 10:11-12 (expanded Hosea 10:1-15) which says:

Ephraim was a trained Heifer
that loved to thresh.
Passing by and seeing her strong, sleek neck,
I wanted to harness Ephraim,
Put Ephraim to work in the fields--
Judah plowing, Jacob harrowing;
Sow righteousness,
reap love.
It's time to till the ready earth,
it's time to dig in with God,
Until he arrives
with righteousness ripe for harvest.

READ
Read the passage a couple of times, slowly.

THINK
Understand this to be God's dream for the northern tribes of Israel. Instead of doing these things, though, they rebelled.

Think of a time when God used you to love someone or do something special for someone. In doing so, you were a well-trained heifer!

1. What does this passage tell you about what a well-trained heifer does?
2. Why is it a joy for a well-trained heifer to "dig in with God?"

Read the passage one more time. What words are attractive to your ears? "Sow righteousness, reap love" is the most beautiful part of this passage to me. Can't get enough of it!

PRAY
Thank God for the times he has used you to do kingdom work -- offering mercy, doing justice, or acting in faithfulness. Ask God to show you ways he wants to use you that you might not have noticed.

LIVE
Sit in the joy and satisfaction of digging in with God. If you have not experienced being used by God, imagine what that might feel like.

Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament...new show!

2009-04-25T22:39:00.031-04:00

I went with some of my Medieval Times call center co-workers to see the new show last week. The company sends us periodically to keep the show content and information fresh in our minds, because after all, the show and the experience are what we're selling. I decided that this time (my 4th time seeing the show, but first time for the new show that the Georgia castle just got this year) I would go to the show as a "tourist."

Medieval Times, Atlanta, GA

We were a group of eleven, nine reps and two supervisors, and we were assigned seating in the Yellow, Black & White, and Red sections as we entered through the Tower. Some of us opted for photos with King Philippe and Princess Leonore as we entered, while others chose not to be photographed, and then we headed to the Tavern. Unfortunately, our wonderful barmaid, Wench Courtney, did not have the ingredients for my favorite drink, a Chocolate Cake Shooter, but she did offer to make me a drink of her own concoction, called a "Yummo." Topped off with cherries and grenadine, it was definitely worthy.

Renee, NCC lead
Tierra M. & Elisha S., co-workers

Wendy M. & Terry W., co-workers

We took our drinks to the tables by the great fireplace in the Hall of Arms and sat around talking and people-watching for a while. It was great fun to see the people walking around the castle, enjoying the Marketplace, the Medieval Torture museum (which I did not visit this go 'round, but it is definitely worth the price of admission...$1 to get in, $1 to get out), and watching the King perform Knighting ceremonies. We also got to hear the Falconer speak about the birds used during the show and I got a pretty good shot of Kratos, the Eurasion Eagle Owl that resides in the castle.

**Sidenote: It occurred to me while we were waiting for the call to table that it would be interesting to have games to play, or musicians playing, or maybe even just a little more cast interaction during the pre-show. There are a number of medieval-era board games that were popular - wouldn't it be interesting if they were set up on the tables for people to play and enjoy? I also found some information on a game called "King of the Bean," which involved a small bean baked into bread or cake...the guest who found it would be crowned "King" of the feast at various holiday events. Fun!

About fifteen minutes prior to show-time, the call to table was announced, and we were let into the Arena based on the sections we'd been assigned upon entrance. I was seated with Billie, a fellow call center rep, in the second row of the Black & White section (that of Don Iofre Santa Creu, the defender of the ancient shrine at Santiago de Compostela). I do admit a touch of disappointment that it was second row seating, as I have never experienced the show from anything but the first row, but I guess it's good for comparison. I know now that I definitely prefer the first row!

Our server was a lovely wench named Jessica, who explained how the meal would work, then the lights dimmed and we were off! In the new show, the Princess now has a husband, Prince Tristan. He is called off to Leone to sign a peace treaty between the two kingdoms, leaving his bride lonely and bereft.

Sad and lonely Princess Leonore

She bolsters, though, and announces an exciting tournament of events, beginning with a show of the castle's beautiful Andalusian stallions and a live flight of the falcon. The animals used by Medieval Times are beautiful and obviously very well cared for and the Spanish dressage presentation is timeless and lovely.

Meanwhile, we were being served the delicious four-course feast by our serving wench, Jessica. As always, the food was delicious. My favorite is the tomato bisque soup and garlic bread...could eat that every single day! The meal is served "Medieval-style," which translates to "no silverware." A little messy, but napkins and wet towels are provided, so that's ok. Plus, it's dark in the Arena for the most part, and nobody else is watching you tear into your chicken.

Eventually we got into the meat of the show...the competition of jousting, and other Knightly games of skill. Of course, boys being boys (Knights being Knights?) the competition did not remain friendly and fighting ensued. Unfortunately, Don Iofre was taken out almost immediately, so we had to switch our allegiances to the Yellow and Red Knights, who were both holding their own for a time. Eventually, the Yellow Knight (Don Eduardo del Rey) won the day and all was well within the Kingdom.

All in all, it was a very fun and exciting evening for all involved. Now I just have to fend off all of my Facebook and blog friends who want to know when I'm taking THEM to the show!

The Unlikely Disciple

2009-03-24T18:33:00.001-04:00

In his sophomore year at liberal Brown University, Kevin Roose makes an ambitious decision to leap over the God Divide and spend a semester "abroad" at ultra-conservative evangelical college, Liberty University.

"The Unlikely Disciple: A Sinner's Semester at America's Holiest University" is the product of that decision.

Written fairly and with great humor and insight, Roose's journey is documented through his interaction with fellow Libery U students, accounts of classes taken, services attended, and his participation in the Thomas Road Baptist Church's choir, as well as Spring Break witnessing in Daytona Beach, FL, and finally Dr. Jerry Falwell's last print interview and Falwell's subsequent death.

I appreciated Roose's transparency and his honest portrayal of his expectations going into Liberty, as well as his findings once there. He discovered that the students attending America's Holiest University were not that much different from the kids he left behind at Brown in that, overall, none of them fit the "mold" that he had anticipated walking into this project. There were rebels (Jersey Joey, foul-mouthed and endearing at the same time), jocks (attending on scholarship and not necessarily "committed" to the Liberty Way), and kids just trying to find their own way based on up-bringing and attitude.

I learned some surprising things about my own faith reading this book, too. Raised "unchurched," I have quested for many years to find my own spiritual path. That said, "The Unlikely Disciple" made me laugh, cry, and ultimately recognize myself in a number of ways. I would recommend this book for anyone who is searching for themselves and God, and a way to make it all make sense in their lives. Finally, I applaud Kevin Roose for writing a beautiful book and for his grace in sharing his experiences with the world.

President Barack H. Obama...

2009-01-20T14:59:00.004-05:00

Today has been a hugely memorable day, emotional, exciting, somewhat sad, and overwhelmingly extraordinary in all of its beauty and ceremony. I feel like I have been on a roller coaster all day, watching the events of this historic day from early this morning, when President and Mrs. Obama were driven to St. John's for a private church service with Bishop TD Jakes, to the coverage of the multitudes of people who thronged the Mall and beyond in celebration of our new Hope, to the Inaugural swearing-in ceremony (even if it did get a bit jacked up), to right now, watching the Inaugural Balls. Barack and Michelle Obama appear so perfectly suited to each other, and so very much in love...yet another reason for the hope of a nation.

I really enjoyed hearing President Obama's Inauguration speech today. One of my most favorite parts of it was when he said, "To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their societys ills on the West -- know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy." I am sure that President Obama knows that, even though those words were directed toward leaders not of the U.S., he will be held to that standard as well.

To the naysayers and disillusioned Americans, I can only say please be patient and give this amazing man a chance to prove or disprove your theories about him. He has tried to be very much up-front and honest with the nation that he will lead about the obstacles and challenges that we face. He has made it clear that none of these changes will take place overnight and that none of it will necessarily be easy. But I think that he has made it abundantly clear that he believes in himself and in us as Americans and I think that he will do everything within his considerable power to live up to the promises that he has made to us.

All in all, today was an awesome day, both personally and historically. I am so very glad that I was some small part of it. I would be interested in hearing from others about their feelings on todays events...good, bad, or ugly, I don't care. Just share with me!

Hunger, MLK, and Inauguration Day

2009-01-20T00:05:00.002-05:00

So, the Courageous Church did a "30 Hours of Hunger" this past weekend, as a way to soften our hearts toward the plight of starvation in the world. It is all linked to the global Plumpy Nut initiative that Pastor Shaun has launched, and it was really an eye-opening experience.

It seemed almost silly to go without food for 30 hours when we have so much of everything else. I mean, here I am, fasting for the day while I'm at work, making reservations for people to come spend literally hundreds of dollars at Medieval Times, on dinner and a two-hour show. It made me very much aware of how much I do have and how lucky I am to have it. It is absolutely incredible to me that just $20 can mean the difference in a starving child's life as to whether they will live or die...that just $20 can bring a malnourished, dying child back to health and life just floors me. Everyone can help. Go to the Initiative's page and donate $20...you just saved a child. Seriously.

***************

Today is Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and I did not work in service to anyone today. I do not feel good about admitting that, but it is the plain truth. I heard that 50 members of Courageous showed up at Turner Field today, to help with Hosea Feed the Hungry, though, and I felt great pride at that, even though I wasn't there with them. Way to go, guys!

I have no excuse for my passivity today...I need to do better. My Leo lazy-streak is a mile wide, and I forget sometimes that I have to work hard to overcome that.

***************

Tomorrow is arguably the Most Important Day in American History! We will be witnessing the Inauguration of the first African-American man to ever be elected President of the United States of America...President Barack Obama.

I did not think that this day would come during my lifetime, but it has, and I couldn't be more excited. This is HUGE! I don't know yet where I will be celebrating President Obama's inauguration, but I will definitely be posting more on this in the next day or two.

Welcome to The Courageous Church

2009-01-13T22:07:00.004-05:00

So, the reason I'm starting this blog is to chronicle my journey toward living a courageous life. My motivation for wanting to live courageously is The Courageous Church and my new pastor, Shaun King.

The Courageous Church just had its Grand Opening [video coming soon!] this past Sunday, January 11th, 2009. I found out about Courageous only a week or so before it opening, through an ad on Facebook. I was so excited after looking through the website for CC that I immediately decided I wanted to be a part of the launch team.

I attended a live web meeting with Shaun and was very excited by his vision for this church. I got plugged into the Welcoming group, and made plans to attend one of two dress rehearsals the weekend before Launch day.

By Sunday morning, I was BEYOND hyped for this. We (my sister, Missy, and I, along with her daughter, Lizzy) arrived at Center Stage, where we're holding services, at about 8:30am to prepare for our duties as greeter and usher.

Very soon after, Pastor Shaun called us all together for prayer before services. We prayed then everyone put their hands in the center and on the count of three, a resounding cry of "Jesus!" erupted as we prepared ourselves to help Shaun launch the greatest. church. ever.

After some truly amazing music by some truly talented folks (including remakes of the Nas song "Hero" and Jazmine Sullivan's song "Lions, Tigers, and Bears"), Shaun showed a video about a revolutionary food product that "may just be the most important advance ever to cure and prevent malnutrition," called Plumpy Nut.

An outstanding performance by Sha' Simpson of "Ordinary Servant" followed the video and then Pastor Shaun introduced our new series, Greater Than God. During the message, Shaun introduced to us his plans to start the largest Plumpy Nut initiative in the world - which won't be hard, he says, since nobody else is doing it!

Pastor Shaun closed out with four objectives for the week ahead, including spending time in prayer to work out what it is that we are "filling our holes" with...is it sex, food, drugs, clothing, shoes, etc. that we seek to fill those empty spaces within? How can we change that so that it is God's love that fills us?

All in all, this has been an amazing experience already, and we're only one service into it! This is what I've been searching for, and not finding. This place...these people...this pastor...the feeling that I am truly a part of Courageous Church, and not just an outsider looking in...I feel like I am home.

Finally.

Back in the blog-o-sphere

2009-01-12T23:25:00.002-05:00

Well, I am back in the saddle, after a very long absence from blogging. I have missed it terribly and am very excited to be back at it. Lots of things have changed since I last posted, on the long-since-gone "Queen Chaos" blog, but the past is the past and the future is now. So stay tuned and find out what's going on now in the life of the not-so-chaotic-anymore Queen of Chaos!

Peace, love, and pop-tarts!